31 março 2010

PARAR é a solução

*144. Tecla de ligar. Atendente eletrônica, voz de lata enferrujada: Olá! Bem vindo a Tim (histérica, quase psicopata). Se quiser comer capim, tecle cavalo; se quiser levar coice, tecle ferradura; se quiser torrar o saco, aperte lança-chamas. Cinco minutos depois, quando aperto a tecla de “idiota” pra ouvir a atendente, a latinha me diz: nóóóoóóóssas posições estão ocupãããããdas, por favor, aguaaaaarde um instaaaaaante. Tu...tu...tu...tu...

Ligo de novo, a lata ressona de novo, ouço a ladainha, aperto “idiota” outra vez, a fanha avisa que as posições tão ocupada e aguardo pacientemente. Surge uma voz: boa tarde, aqui é @&dasflkero 4roiadf *¬qosfnmfeor, com quem eu falo?

Eu: Sean.

Ela: quem?

Eu: Sean.

Ela: não entendi.

Eu: também não entendi teu nome, estamos quites.

Ela (com voz de enfado duplo): em que posso ajudá-lo?

Eu: quero parar de receber mensagens da Tim informando pra apagar a luz na hora mundial e mandar torpedos de graça por R$ 4,99.

Ela: o senhor não quer mais receber torpedos?

Eu: foi o que eu disse.

Ela: qual o teor dos torpedos?

Eu: ou tô enganado ou já te falei: chega de hora mundial e torpedo pago de graça, não quero mais receber 20 mensagens dessas por dia.

Ela: sim senhor, vou registrar.

Eu (acalmando): obrigado.

Tecle, tecle , tecle e ouço os dedinhos dela digitando por alguns minutos.

Ela: obrigado por aguardar. Vou passar o senhor pro setor responsável agora.

Eu: ué, tu não anotou a queixa?

Ela nem se dá ao trabalho de responder. Ouço um som forte e o barulhinho de chamada telefônica. Fico no aguardo. Outra voz surge: olá, meu nome é ew3jo358dsafj ajexdaczzzoirer, com quem estou falando? Em que posso ajudá-lo?

Sim, sim, sim, toda a novela outra vez. Agora com um agravante: a ligação ficou péssima, com eco, dificílima de ouvir.

Ela: diga o número do celular e o código de área.

Eu (aos gritos): 71, Salvador. 9162...

Ela (interrompendo): o celular e o código de área.

Eu: é o que estou fazendo, vc não ouve? Código 71, fone...

Ela: o número senhor, qual o número?

Eu (urrando): 9162...

Ela: e o código?

Eu: tu é surda ou o quê? Me ouve, tá ouvindo? 71...

Ela: Salvador?

Eu: tu conhece alguma outra área 71?

Ela anota, pede um minuto e me deixa no vácuo. Volta: o senhor não registrou seu CPF quando comprou a linha, não acho aqui.

Eu: me diz onde vendem linha sem o registro do CPF que quero comprar umas 15.

Ela: diga pausadamente o número.

Eu digo, ela ouve tudo errado, repito mil veze até que ela pede um momento. Perdi a noção da hora, mas lá vão pedradas e nada. Começo a uivar feito lobisomem, desgraçando até a última geração da biltre, pra ver se ela ouve. Consegui. Uma voz baixinha sussurra: senhor? Senhor? O sistema caiu, preciso de seus dados novamente: telefone e área.

Começamos do zero, os mesmos gritos, as mesmas incompreensões e mais ofensas; só não brigamos pelos CDs e os livros porque não tínhamos nenhum em comum. Até que ela confirma que o cadastro está feito. Quase fico feliz, mas não me permito.

Ela: então, senhor, não somos nós que cuidamos desse problema, é o provedor. O senhor mesmo tem que resolver. Digite a palavra “parar” em caixa alta e mande pro número que está enviando as mensagens.

Eu (inchado feito sapo cururu): tu tá me dizendo que eu esperei todo esse tempo quando poderia ter me dito desde o início que é só mandar uma mensagem? Total absurdo.Quanta incompetência.

Ela: senhor, senhor, em caixa alta, não esqueça. Ou não vai funcionar.

Que meiga, né? Não desistiu de mim, me amparou, me guiou, me acarinhou. Só não convidei pra jantar aqui porque não tô a fim de lavar a louça. Agradeci, com voz de condenado no corredor da morte, e desliguei.

Vinte minutos e 56 segundos haviam passado. Não levei dez segundos pra digitar “PARAR” e enviar.

52 comentários:

Arnaldo disse...

Era uma atendente da TIM?

Gozado... Achei que estivese narrando uma conversa com a atendente da Claro, oi da Vivo, ou da Telefonica, ou da...

É tudo absolutamente a mesma coisa.

Carolina disse...

Tô rindo muiiito.... a sina do telemkt...

bjos meus

Helena disse...

Muito bom.
Mude o código de área e teremos essa história em comum.
Bjão.

Laura disse...

o.O

...e olha que a lei já mudou. Segue o drama pra cartão de crédito, provedor de internet e até entregador de água. VERGONHA. ÓDIO. SONO...

:(

Lu disse...

viu? quem manda não gostar de receber mensagens....heheheh...
tu fizeste toda esta reclamação em casa e sozinho né?
ontem eu tive que ouvir uma mulher gritando na lotação mais ou menos isso, 20 minutos, tb brigando com alguém, sei lá quem (que importa se são todos iguais mesmo)por causa destas "cousas". Tudibom pra uma volta pra casa depois de um dia de trabalho.

:(

Ederson disse...

olha, nunca na vida falei com ninguém da operadora de celular. em 10 anos. tenho algo de errado.

Rosamaria disse...

ufa! cheguei a cansar, pq já passei por isso muitas vezes.
bjim.

Sunflower disse...

Acho que isso não é verdade. Não existe essa pessoa que trabalhe em telemarketing que não "gerundeie" as coisas.

Tânia Meneghelli disse...

Oi Sean!

Te achei por acaso, enquanto tentava aliviar minha indignação justamente sobre o maldito atendimento robotizado que recebi de uma grande empresa ontem.

Depois de relatar mil vezes o mesmo problema e não vê-lo solucionado, a infeliz da atendente me pede pra anotar um número de protocolo (!!!) e ainda tem a capacidade de arrematar dizendo a célebre frase: "sua ligação é muito importante para nós". Ora, vaprosquintodosinferno!

Adorei seu espaço, temos um texto absurdamente semelhante (acho, então, que meu elogio não foi nada modesto, né? Hehehe!). Estarei sempre por aqui.

Beijoca!

Karine disse...

Olá Sean, meu nome é Karine Serezuella e gostaria de enviar a você um informativo de abertura do edital RUMOS LITERATURA 2010-2011 do Itaú Cultural, contendo o tema, prazos, prêmios e demais características do edital. Para tanto, por favor, me forneça o seu e-mail. Muito obrigada.
Grata pela atenção.
Karine Serezuella | Comunicação Dirigida | Itaú Cultural | São Paulo.
Tel 55 11 3881-1710 | kacks.sere@gmail.com

Santiago disse...

Duas dúvidas...
E as mensagens pararam?
Entraste em um novo buraco negro?

PULCRO disse...

Amigão, não queria estar na sua pele.Coragem!!!

Pulcro,
http://pulchro.blogspot.com/

Ocappuccino.com disse...

Gênio. hahahahaha

Mateus
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